Football '14 Week 15: Tradition.

       Every family has their own quirky holiday traditions about hiding and finding things.  For some, it is the Elf on the Shelf, for others, it is the Mensch on the Bench, however, we have a different spin on this idea around here...


Here, we do Brees in the Booze.  I find this a much more appropriate alternative.  You find him in the liquor cabinet, do a shot, and then hang him on the tree.  Who Dat!

***

It is very simple for the Saints tonight: win.  If they win out, they take the division and host a playoff game.  The Bears have been mailing it in for weeks, and yet I fear this game will be a non-stop heart attack derpfest and by midnight this evening, it is very likely I will have emptied that bottle of rum. 

Football '13 Week 10: Veteran's Day.

       Today is Veteran's Day.  If you have any friends or family that served in the military, please thank them for their service today.  Heck, even if you see someone on the street, shake their hand and offer thanks.

Except for one glaring exception, you don't hear much about professional athletes who served in the military.  This is a blessing and a curse, I suppose, since without the draft they can focus on their sport and not Uncle Sam. 

If you watched any football this weekend, they had moments for our military at all the stadiums.  Of all the mistakes and horrors that came out of the Vietnam war, one of the worst was how we treated the men and women who returned from that conflict.  Luckily, we somehow learned a lesson from that and while we still participate in fruitless wars, we try and show our appreciation to our service members who return.

So as you settle in to watch a god awful Monday Night Football game this evening, keep in mind all those around who protected your freedom to be incensed at ESPN.

Football '13 Week 4: Thank God It's Monday.

       I worked 12 hours today.  Needless to say, I am exhausted; Mondays can be so cruel.  I have showered, put on my pajamas and laid down on my couch.  I truly believe the goal of any work day, no matter what your profession, is to be able to appropriately take off your pants.  Plus, I get the rare treat this evening of being able to watch my Saints on Monday Night Football.  This makes today much much better.

I have no idea where I got that page of cards, but they are pretty cool.  They are the usual raised embossed Action Packed kind of cards.  These get extra cool bonus points for being all gold and shiny.

I am too tired to write a coherent post, so let's just look at some Drew Brees cards:

Oh, my mother is in the Superdome this evening, part of her usual autumn sojourn down to New Orleans.   Lucky her.  She called me half an hour ago to taunt me.

These are some pretty random cards and I am in no condition to try and make sense of them.

This page features Dan Marino, legendary quarterback of the Saints opponent tonight, the Miami Dolphins.  Both teams are undefeated and playing very well - some would say over their head.  Hopefully, the sound and fury of the 'dome on Monday night will make the Dolphins drown.  Wow. That mixed metaphor went nowhere.  I think I will order some dinner and just watch the game before I murder the English language in cold blood.

Football Week 9: Monday Night Edition.

       Tonight is pretty much it for my Saints.  If they win, they can at least dream of making the playoffs, if they lose, well, they may as well tank the rest of the season and get themselves a decent draft pick.  This will probably be my statement/lament for the rest of the season.  I would like to see them rally after pretty much every roadblock has been put in their way this year.

       Tonight they play the Eagles, probably my second least favorite team.  Actually, I hate the Cowboys fans the most and the Eagles actual players the most, so we can quibble over where that would place them on my overall hate-o-meter.  A few years ago, there was this fan in the Superdome stands.  For me, it was love at first sight (they even put her in Maxim magazine after her fame swept through the interwebs).  Anyway, if you are out there, Heather, my offer of marriage still stands. 

        Needless to say, with all going on the last week or so here after Sandy, I have not had time to scan new pages and I do not have any more Saints cards scanned.  So I will have to pick a page and find some vague tangential connection.  Ahhhh, here we go:

Like I said, I hate any player who suits up for the Eagles.  Well, here are four players who are pretty damn despicable no matter what uniform they wear (and most of them now wear the uniform of their state's DOC).  Lawrence Phillips took a boatload of talent and threw it all away in a series of domestic disputes and then got a long stretch in the pokie after an assault with a deadly weapon.  Somehow, Pacman Jones is still in the league and not in prison, proof that if you are a viable player, the NFL will always look the other way.  Not only has Jones shot up more than one(!) strip club, he ruined a fantastic nickname like 'Pac-Man' forever.  Maurice Clarett was both impetuous and well armed - to the tune of getting kicked off a national title team in college and then going to jail for armed robbery.  In there he also flamed out in the NFL without ever playing a regular season snap; hell, he never even suited up for a preseason game.  I also read that he has been trying to clean up his act.  I'll believe it when I see it.  Last but certainly not least is the immortal Rae Carruth.  Rae showed flashes of talent for the Panthers for a couple of years, but then he ran into a problem, he got a girl pregnant.  His solution to this problem was certainly creative and unique: he decided to have her killed in what looked like a carjacking.  Classy guy.  He'll be in prison until at least 2018, and really, how he escaped the gas chamber for that one, I will never quite understand.

Not shown: Mark Chmura, OJ Simpson, Lawrence Taylor (though he soon will be), Jim Brown, Donte Stallworth, Leonard Little, and Ray Lewis.  Also not shown, tonight's starting quarterback for the Eagles, the worst of the lot, Michael Vick. Since I love dogs more than any person on this planet, I cannot reiterate my hatred for him enough and I will not even try.