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See, my mother was all set to name me Moses because of her love of the film The Ten Commandments - and not Charlton Heston, mind you, but Anne Baxter's reaction to him. That's right, I was gonna be a Moe not a Max (and subject to Three Stooges jokes instead of tampon jokes, but I digress). And then Moses Malone decided to enter the NBA draft right out of high school and everyone lost their minds. She heard the name over and over and over again and she got incredibly sick of it. So she shifted gears and named me after her favorite uncle instead.
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So thank you Moses Malone fo' fo' fo' giving me my distinguishing moniker. Rest in peace.
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