Highlights for Children.

Goofus:

Can't stop himself from talking.


Gallant:

Rehabs vigilantly in silence.  Comes back too soon just to help team.


Goofus:

Tweets and gives interviews as though he has a negative amount self-awareness (to the point where even his own GM told him to STFU).

Never heard the old cliche that it isn't the crime, it's the cover up.

Gallant:

Hits a home run in his first at bat back from the DL; deflects all attention to the dude they honored before the game.

Will be a near-unanimous first-ballot hall of famer (even if he's just Robin Yount in pinstripes).

Goofus:

Was a jackass way before he did steroids.

Will only get into Cooperstown during his lifetime if he buys a ticket.